Friday, August 1, 2008

So Not The Present

Yesterday afternoon The Kid and I went back into our new town to walk around and explore. As we were walking by a decorating store-one that we had just passed by yesterday-we noticed that the front window display had been changed.

The entire window display was now one of Halloween accessories and decorations for the yard, house, etc. It had three white signs hanging in the front that read: "It's Coming, It's Coming, It's Coming." HALLOWEEN? HALLOWEEN! Had I hit my head and lost track of the time? Yesterday was July 31. Yes, it's coming, but its, ah, two months away. *sigh*

Seeing this, on some level, I felt a little bit sad. Sad because when I look around into the immediate external world the message is overwhelmingly telling me to NOT be in the present. I'm most often told to think about what's coming next, to force upon myself what's coming next, as a way to get through the now.

Don't get me wrong, there have been many, many moments, and, even long stretches of my life in which I did not want to be present. I just wanted to get through them or get them over with. There were even times when I wasn't sure I could get through things. And during these times, days passing, time accumulating behind me, felt like a blessing. A blessing to just have time pass and put distance between myself and hard times.

Since I've started practicing yoga, I'm learning to quiet my mind and body, to withdrawal my senses from over stimulation, and to go within. And when I practice, I find peace within, peace that was already there waiting to be discovered, tapped into. Through yoga, I become at peace to just be, now.

Also, I've felt less resistance to wanting to push away the present, and just as importantly, I'm cultivating self awareness to recognize when I am resisting. Not always, for sure, (those pesky life patterns) but, overall when I practice-when I don't resist practice-I'm learning to be more comfortable being present, even when things are really difficult.

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