Back to Blogging

After a long hiatus, just two months shy of a year, I'm ready to write and post again (So, the one, two, or three readers I had about a year ago, hi, I'm back, and thanks for reading!). Springtime always makes me want to write again; the fresh start, the stored up energy ready to finally blossom into something.

For the many months that I've been away,  I've happily become a reader again. Actually reading books! Specifically, novels! Real ones! With covers and everything. Though I used to be a big reader, I really hadn't read many novels since the birth of The Kid, which was seven years ago in March. Yes, that's seven years ago (Obviously, I'm not including the countless children's books that I've read with The Kid over the years). When I did read, I would usually read short stories, blogs, articles on the internet, magazines, and newspapers. So, reading novels again? I see this new development as a very good sign that my memory isn't completely lost and that my intellect is somewhat intact. Though, I have to admit, my memory is often fuzzy these days. Damn peri-menopause. At least that's where I'm laying the blame today. So, it has been really fun to read books again and get drawn into a story, a plot, a set of characters.

Currently, I'm reading, "Night World No. 1: Secret Vampire; Daughters of Darkness; Spellbinder" by L.J. Smith because The Kid personally picked it out for me, and gave it to me as a gift. Let's just pause right here for a moment, to reflect on the cuteness of this. How cute is this? Very Cute. Okay, anyway, he picked this particular book for me because he knows that I enjoy reading about vampires and such. Though this book is for the tween set, I'm enjoying the read, and even more, I'm enjoying giving The Kid updates on the plot and characters, as he is delighted whenever I tell him how "scary" the book is getting.

Over this past year, The Kid has really journeyed into reading, and is continuing his love of story and storytelling. His mind is sharp, observant, and curious, and his heart is still sweet and thoughtful. He is in first grade now, and so many exciting things have occurred for him over this past year. He has a whole new set of friends, activities and interests. He is an amazing kid.

Since last year, we have moved again settling into a new rental home that is cute, clean, lovely, and has a dry basement! It is the roomiest place we have lived in to date (though within the context of our neighborhood, our home is very modest, but a good fit for us right now), and by far the nicest neighborhood we've ever lived in. There are lots of families with kids who live on our block, with good neighbors, good people. It is a unique place, and we are enjoying it. We hope we can keep renting this place for a while.

Over the past year, relationships in my life have changed, as well. Some have shifted, some have grown closer, others have fallen away. Overtime, I've become part of the school and neighborhood community in different ways, and this sense of community has been a welcome bonus of of living in this neighborhood.

Several months ago, I began working part-time outside the home, and Aqua Man has settled into his new career. In so many ways, it feels like we have completely changed our lives; as individuals, as a family, and as a couple. Yet, strangely, in other ways, it seems like we are still just "us." Moving, starting over, and beginning anew, while exciting, are not always easy things to do, and, the process can definitely be tough at times. We are grateful to our family and friends who have helped us in different ways during our relocation and transition over the past (almost) two years.
  
Though this past year sometimes offered up it's own set of challenges, disappointments, and hard-won change across several areas of my life, I continue to feel grateful, and I realize just how much I have to be thankful for in my life.
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Here's to more days of warm weather, fresh starts, and more reading.

Just Let Go

"It's okay, Mommy. Just let go." That's how my day began early this morning. I was greeted with these words of wisdom from our 4 1/2 year old son, as he and I snuggled together under his covers before we began the morning routine of getting out the door for the day.

"It's okay, Mommy. Just let go," The Kid had said with an easy smile. He was referring to the blanket that we both clutched. We were hiding underneath it while continuously having to hold it up with our elbows in an attempt to keep it from falling on our faces. We were "hiding" from his dad, my life partner, who was getting ready for work. When we first started hiding under the cover, The Kid had really wanted to keep the blanket up above our heads so that our shapes weren't as easily detected (You know, a "fun" shock for dad at 7:30 in the morning when he would inevitably stumble into this morning "surprise". Nothing says "Good Morning!" like an ambush attack from one of the rooms of your own home! ). After many, many attempts to keep the blanket off of our faces, The Kid had finally just accepted the blanket falling onto him as part of the reality of hiding underneath it for so long. Still half asleep, I hadn't even noticed that I was the only one still putting my elbow up, trying to keep it from falling on us.

"It's okay, Mommy. Just let go," The Kid had said with an easy smile, looking right into my eyes. He gave a bit of a shrug and then moved my arm from above the covers letting the blanket fall onto both our faces. We both laughed; him at the blanket that fell on my face, and I at the realization that I hadn't even noticed that I had still had my elbow in the air. I also knew, on a deeper level, that I had been putting this behavior into practice in other areas of my life, carrying on as usual, not really noticing that I have been acting without much awareness. To a certain extent I had been avoiding and continuing on with what I've already done, yet still expecting different results.

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When I can, I practice at a local yoga studio, and over the past few months, thanks to a schedule change, I've had the amazing opportunity to take classes with a variety of instructors. Each instructor has a distinct and beautiful way of teaching and sharing their yoga knowledge. Despite the differences in teaching styles, I've noticed that the same questions have been asked over and over again. While we are holding poses for a length of time, they ask: "Can you turn your awareness to your body and find any place or places where you are gripping?" "Can you find a way to soften that grip?" "Can you find a way to be gentle with yourself even in the face of hard work?" Always a kinesthetic learner these questions have had huge impacts on me, on and off the mat.

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There are a lot of uncertainties and changes going on in my life right now. Sometimes I go onto auto pilot and just keep doing what I've been doing when things are like this. Other times, I grip onto a behavior or way of being, especially in the face of the unknown. When my son spoke those words of wisdom, he provided me with a moment of awareness, and a chance to revisit my yoga logic. It all suddenly seemed so ridiculous-my worries, my "trying" to make things work, my avoiding and gripping. In that moment, I realized that I have been unnecessarily creating suffering in my life. It is said that learning to let go is a process that we go through over and over again. In this silly moment with The Kid, the awareness gave way to clarity which provided me with an instant moment of relief. A reminder that with awareness comes the ability to make better choices and to access the answers that already lie within.

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This blog is another act of letting go. I've wanted to start a blog for the past year or more. I've been reading many blogs (and lurking!) for a long time, but I haven't taken the leap to write my own. I hope I am able to loosen my grip, to soften in the face of sharing my writing, and to just let go.